You're Jealous They Quit Their Job...
by Madison Utendahl
Awareness is the first step to recovering from burnout, and it often arrives disguised as, dare I say…jealousy.
"I quit. I just put in my resignation," announces Sarah, your start-up co-worker who doubles as your work-wife and unofficial therapist.
“I’m so happy for you,” you reply.
Lies. You’re pissed.
Okay, yeah…On one hand, you’re “happy for her.”🙄 You’re a good, kind person who genuinely wants the best for other people. But deep down, you can't shake the fact that you’re really thinking way more about you, than about her. There's an undeniable bitterness in knowing she's leaving the grind behind—the very grind you both used to complain about during those all-too-frequent Zoom 1x1s and coffee breaks.
“We’re both supposed to be burned out and miserable here together. How could she?!” Your inner monologue screams. You're frustrated, upset...and panicked.
According to Jacqueline Misla from NPR, "Jealousy is the fear of losing what you have." And in this case, its a peer to be miserable at work with.
THE FAMOUS SARAH
We all have or have had, a “Sarah” in our lives. When Sarah quits, you feel envy for her courage to seek a better life, jealousy over losing your ally in the workplace, and totally freaking panicked by the next inevitable step...it's probably time for you to quit too.
This scene is painfully familiar to many of us. When someone close to us—a friend, sibling, or co-worker—escapes a miserable job situation, it forces us to confront the professional dissatisfaction we’ve been desperately trying to ignore and look at our burnout in the face. However, even if we know one day, quitting or starting over is bound to happen, when faced with opportunity…we often tell ourselves “NOT NOW.”
THE REALITY CHECK
Every month, I receive messages from people asking, “How did I quit my job? Or “When did you (Madison) realize you was so burned out?” The Answer: Well, apart from my body waving white flags of stress-induced sickness, the real reality check was when a colleague left, my version of Sarah, unleashing a wave of confrontation and epiphany within me.
Let's be real…quitting sucks. It's hard, rooted in feelings of self-doubt, stress, and a misguided notion of “failure.” But you know what is harder and more insidious than quitting? Staying burned out. Burnout is stealthy; it doesn't barge in loudly but rather creeps in slowly. It chips away at your energy and dims your passion, making each day feel just a bit worse than the last. It's not just about feeling exhausted—it changes who you are, making you a lesser version of yourself. Witnessing someone else break free from the same toxic cycle can stir up a whole range of emotions—from admiration for their strength to a chilling feeling that you are stuck. But more importantly, it prompts an urgent need to reassess your own situation. It’s a sign that perhaps it’s time for you to take decisive action and reclaim your life.
THE DECISION SCIENCE OF QUITTING
In her book "Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away," Annie Duke, a professional poker player and decision scientist, argues that, in most situations, our unwavering commitment to not quitting and sticking to “our goals,” whether they pertain to something as big as our careers, personal aspirations, or something small such as a household undertaking, can do more harm than good. We obsess over quitting due to a societal construct that quitting equates to everything from being lazy to a coward. We praise individuals who persevered despite it all, even if at the cost of their health, family, and relationships... But what about everyone who is not quitting, not to win a marathon or get a promotion, but because they’re afraid of what everyone will think if they quit, and what that says about who they are to themselves?
And I’m here to tell you, no one really cares. And most importantly, quitting doesn’t just serve you, it serves everyone—your boss, your former co-worker, your family, your partner, and most importantly...your future self.
Quitting, and setting a new standard for yourself, is one step closer to recovering from Burnout.
BABY STEPS TO BIG LEAPS
Navigating these intense feelings and deciding whether to quit and begin your burnout recovery is a lot. Change in your career can be an overwhelming process. I get it, it's not just about the fear of the unknown; it's about confronting the reality of your current dissatisfaction and making choices that could transform your entire life.
So, before you shrug this off as another bad day or a temporary slump, let's start with baby steps…the first step is acknowledgement.
Below you will find a "Is It Time to Leave?" questionnaire. Created by yours truly. Lets use this questionnaire to challenge limiting belief that our curiosity around quitting is an irresponsible or impulsive decision. Its not.
Lets take a deliberate look at where you stand. Your answers might just be the push you need, offering a moment of clarity amidst the chaos.
"Is It Time to Quit?" Questionnaire
Reflect on your current work situation and respond to each statement by selecting the number that best represents your experience, where 1 is "Strongly Disagree" and 5 is "Strongly Agree":
Alignment with Goals and Values:
My current endeavor no longer aligns with my long-term goals or values.
1 (Strongly Disagree)
2 (Disagree)
3 (Neutral)
4 (Agree)
5 (Strongly Agree)
Overwhelm and Stress:
I often find myself feeling overwhelmed and stressed about this endeavor.
1 (Strongly Disagree)
2 (Disagree)
3 (Neutral)
4 (Agree)
5 (Strongly Agree)
Happiness and Satisfaction:
I've been consistently unhappy or dissatisfied with my progress or results in this endeavor.
1 (Strongly Disagree)
2 (Disagree)
3 (Neutral)
4 (Agree)
5 (Strongly Agree)
Personal Growth:
Continuing with this endeavor feels like I'm stuck in a never-ending cycle with no significant growth or improvement.
1 (Strongly Disagree)
2 (Disagree)
3 (Neutral)
4 (Agree)
5 (Strongly Agree)
Passion and Enthusiasm:
My passion and enthusiasm for this endeavor have significantly diminished over time.
1 (Strongly Disagree)
2 (Disagree)
3 (Neutral)
4 (Agree)
5 (Strongly Agree)
Motivation and Purpose:
I consistently struggle to find motivation or a sense of purpose in this endeavor.
1 (Strongly Disagree)
2 (Disagree)
3 (Neutral)
4 (Agree)
5 (Strongly Agree)
Effort vs. Reward:
The effort I'm putting into this endeavor feels disproportionate to the rewards or satisfaction I'm getting from it.
1 (Strongly Disagree)
2 (Disagree)
3 (Neutral)
4 (Agree)
5 (Strongly Agree)
Exploring Alternatives:
I've explored alternative options or paths and believe there might be better opportunities for me elsewhere.
1 (Strongly Disagree)
2 (Disagree)
3 (Neutral)
4 (Agree)
5 (Strongly Agree)
Fear of Quitting:
The thought of quitting this endeavor doesn't fill me with fear or regret, but rather a sense of relief and possibility.
1 (Strongly Disagree)
2 (Disagree)
3 (Neutral)
4 (Agree)
5 (Strongly Agree)
Support for Change:
I've sought advice or input from trusted mentors, friends, or colleagues, and their perspectives support the idea of quitting.
1 (Strongly Disagree)
2 (Disagree)
3 (Neutral)
4 (Agree)
5 (Strongly Agree)
Results Scorecard:
10-20 Points:Maybe it’s just a bad week? Or maybe not. Worth a thought if a career change should be on your radar.
21-30 Points: Quitting seems like a real possibility. Time to seriously scout the job landscape—opportunity is calling!
31-40 Points: Career Change Imminent. Quitting is a strong consideration. Rally the advisory troop—friends, mentors, that wise uncle—time for a strategy session.
41-50 Points: Quitting appears to be the right choice. All signs point to yes. It's transition time, and your future self will thank you.
Are you ready? Let's find out if it's time for you to craft your own "I quit" moment and reclaim the narrative of your career and life. This might be the first step toward something new, something bold, something that looks a lot like happiness. After all, life’s too short for Sunday scaries and texting rants that go nowhere.
Love this!! I recently QUIT my creative job because of burnout.
I watched many friends quit before me. I wasn’t ready to look at my stuff, then BANG. I was so burnt out I had to take stress leave for two weeks.
I returned after leave, thinking maybe I could hold on. But no. It was too late. I was burnt to a crisp.
I’m scared about the future (I have nothing lined up), but my health is suffering. Thank you for creating this Substack. You have a devoted reader!