What My Boomer Family Taught Me About Burnout
by Priya Mittal
What My Boomer Family Taught Me About Burnout
Talking to your family about mental health can sometimes feel like discussing politics with your grandparents at Thanksgiving dinner. You already know their point of view, but you still feel that urge to engage, hoping this time you’ll change their mind.
“Having a therapist doesn’t make you weak! Wanting time off doesn’t mean you’re lazy! Meditation isn’t a waste of time!”
The list is…painful, but goes on and on. Last week, I (a team member of UC) experienced this firsthand.
I visited my grandma for her 80th birthday, an occasion that drew our entire extended family, plus multiple family friends. Naturally, when you’re in this kind of setting, everyone wants to ask you about work. While my sister answered questions about school and her classes, I found myself stuck on: “So, what do you do again?” Despite my best attempts to explain branding to my family for what felt like the hundredth time, I ended up resorting to “marketing,” and moved on. Well, not exactly.
Feeling inspired by BURNT’s recent launch, I decided to tell my family about our new Substack after lunch one day. After my whole spiel about our mission, goals, and pieces, I was met with a sea of confused faces and very blank stares. It wasn’t that they couldn’t grasp the concept of burnout; rather, they couldn’t fathom how a Gen Z like myself could experience it in my own life. After all, I’m extremely privileged and have been given access to far more opportunities than they did growing up, so I have no excuse to be burnt out.
A few days later, I circled back to the topic of burnout with some family members. It was a very casual conversation, so casual that they could have never suspected I secretly recorded everything they had to say. As you can expect with a family conversation, I’ve paraphrased some answers for the sake of coherence and omitted the nonsensical bickering. Also, all names have been taken out for the sake of anonymity because if they ever were to find this…let’s just say you wouldn't find me!
Now for the fun part: let me introduce you to the family:
Grandpa: 89 years old, retired dentist. He’s so old and so cute that you almost forget he’s a boomer with some questionable opinions.
Dad: 55 years old doctor, still working as if he was 25. That pretty much sums it up.
Aunt: 59 year old attorney who is always on the go. Recently started mentoring young professionals, so thinks she’s more “in the know.”
Here's what everyone said:
Define “Burnout” in your own words
Grandpa: *Laughs* Burn…out? Together? I didn’t know that’s a real word! Sounds scary.
Dad: Tired to the point of having some kind of mental break.
Aunt: Total mental exhaustion.
Our definition at work is: “A state of emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by excessive and prolonged stress.”
Dad: By that definition I guess I’ve been burnt out all my life!
Aunt: Tell me about it.
Grandpa: *Laughs again.* (Not sure he heard the question. He’s just happy to be involved).
When in your life have you felt the most burnt out?
Grandpa: When we moved here from Germany -
At this point, my Dad interrupted: “We all know the story, Dad” to which grandpa responded:
Grandpa: Yes, but it’s a good story. When we moved here from Germany, we really had nothing, your grandma and I. After my shifts at the hospital, I’d study for scholarships through the night, five days a week. Oh, and the weekends. On the weekends I’d do more studying. And then bellman shifts at a nearby hotel. Seven days of work a week, no less. I’d sleep a maximum of five hours at night. It was tiring, but it was the only way I would be able to get better jobs later.
Dad: Probably during my residency or fellowship. I basically lived at the hospital, working during the day and doing research at night. On the weekends, I worked shifts at the local burger joint near campus. It wasn’t about “doing extra,” it was about survival. I had zero connections in the medical industry, so it was the only way I was going to make something of myself.
Aunt: Same here. Early in my career at my first law firm after graduating. I wanted to prove everyone wrong. Nobody wanted to give me, the only female associate at the firm, projects. My male colleagues were always the first pick. I was determined to change their mind so that meant doing the most I could all the time. I worked so hard.
Did you do anything to cope with the burnout?
Aunt: Not really. It never occurred to me that I was “burnt out.” At the time, it was just working hard. It’s what everyone around me was doing too. It felt necessary for my own growth.
Dad: Yeah, it was just working hard. I tried to spend time with your mom when I got home because I knew I needed balance in my life.
Grandpa: I loved my nap time after studying on the weekend. Those 1-2 hours were the best hours of sleep.
How did your burnout impact parts of your life outside of work?
Grandpa: I missed a lot of moments with your dad – his first steps, his first day of school. But I don’t regret it because we wouldn’t be here right now if I made different choices.
Dad: Your mom would probably say I wasn’t around much. It did cause fights at times. Sometimes when I did come home, I was in a bad mood. I’d have a temper. But I was just tired.
Aunt: I lost touch with a lot of important people in my life, especially my friends from college. It’s sad looking back on it, but I never really thought about it at the moment. I was laser focused on my career.
Why do you think your generation is known to be so anti-mental health and burnout?
Dad: I get annoyed by your generation’s need for having a “work-life-balance.” The days of having a 9-5 job are over and people get rewarded for how hard they work. We can argue about whether or not that’s a good thing, but it doesn’t matter because at the end of the day, that’s where Corporate America is. I worry that your generation is trying to change at a rate faster than where the system is, and I’m scared that you’ll get left behind.
Aunt: I also don't think we’re anti-mental health. The fact that we’re having this conversation is progress. When people work hard and achieve what they think is “success,” it’s hard to reflect on that and admit that their journey might have been unhealthy. Ego plays a big part in that. Sadly, a lot of people also think generations under them should face similar struggles as a rite of passage…..Times are changing, but I do agree with your dad. Real change starts from the top down, not with recent Gen Z grads demanding better hours. That attitude is what’s led to the whole notion that “Gen Z are lazy.”
What would you do if I came to you and said I was feeling burnt out?
Nobody had a solid answer to this question. My aunt began to suggest taking a break, but then she stopped herself mid-sentence. “I’d like to think I would tell you to take a break,” she said, “but I don’t know if I’d believe it.”
My dad kind of just stared at me and finally said, “I’d support you.” I knew he would, not because he really knows how to cope with burnout, but because he’s my dad and that’s what good dads do.
This conversation taught me a lot about my family. I used to feel resentful towards their conservative views on mental health, but now I realize that their familiarity with burnout stemmed from early experiences in their careers. In a way, working till the point of exhaustion was a coping mechanism born out of necessity—compensating for the lack of opportunities, networks, and, in my aunt’s case, navigating a male-dominated profession. It's not to say their approach was healthy, but to them, burning out was a means of survival.
While it might not always feel like it, their perspectives on the topic stem from a place of affection and support, rather than a deliberate attempt to belittle the importance of mental health. It's simply their way of showing care.
Have you ever engaged with your family on Burnout? We want to hear from you.