Mandatory "Fun" is an HR Scam

No, I will not be joining the company talent show.

Mar 26, 2025

I don’t want to grab drinks after work.

I don’t want to go to a holiday party inside a club where someone will inevitably do something dumb enough to get fired.

I don’t want to do trust falls in a hotel ballroom with the same Karen that forgot to copy me on an important email chain.

And I shouldn’t have to.

I am, however, pro-midday lunch. I support a during working hours gathering, ideally catered and capped at 60 minutes, where we can pretend to like each other and still get home in time for dinner. But no, I don’t want to go to a bar called McNally’s with Earl from Accounting and Susan from Legal and talk about Q4 projections over room-temperature beer.

Let me be clear: I am a team player. I speak in sports analogies. I pull my weight. I believe in giving credit, lifting others up, and getting the job done well. But I also believe that no one’s value as an employee should be measured by how many awkward, out-of-office “fun” activities they show up to—especially the ones organized by the least fun people in the building: HR.

The History of HR (and How We Got Here)

Human Resources wasn’t invented to throw pizza parties. It was created to protect companies from liability, keep labor complaints in check, and make sure employees didn’t unionize. Then, somewhere between the 1950s and Silicon Valley, HR got a makeover—suddenly, its job wasn’t just to manage people, it was to make sure you were happy at work. Or at least happy enough not to leave.

That’s where the rise of team-building came in. Birthday cakes in the breakroom. Happy hours with your manager. Paintball retreats to “build trust.” These weren’t born out of generosity—they were strategies to foster loyalty. If your coworkers feel like friends, you’ll second-guess quitting!! If your boss knows about your cat’s vet appointment, you’ll hesitate before setting a boundary.

It’s a soft power play dressed up in employee “perk.”

Sue Me For Having A Life!

I’ve had many corporate jobs in my life, ranging from being someone’s assistant to sitting in the VP seat myself. No matter the title or the company, one thing was consistent: I would eventually get pulled aside and told I wasn’t “engaging enough” in team bonding.

I could have just crushed a project, over-delivered on a deadline, or mentored a junior employee—but somehow, the real concern was that I hadn’t stayed for karaoke night or joined the company dodgeball league.

I used to get that same feedback in school. I was an A+ student, always prepared, always focused—and yet I was told I didn’t “meaningfully participate in class.” Translation: I didn’t laugh at the teacher’s jokes or join the group chat. And you know what? I have no regrets. I feel zero FOMO for missing the dodgeball game. And no, I’m not haunted by the fact that I didn’t fake-laugh at Ms. Jones’ joke—which, let’s be honest, wasn’t funny. Sue me for having a life outside of work. Sue me for having real friends outside of Algebra.

This may contain: a man in a suit and tie giving the peace sign with two bottles behind him

The Pros and Cons of Corporate Bonding

Why do we guilt people for maintaining independence from institutions? Why do we raise an eyebrow when someone simply doesn’t want their identity to revolve around their job, their classroom, their company?

The answer is simple: capitalism.

Capitalism thrives on loyalty disguised as community. It wants you devoted, dedicated, and chained. And HR is the madame of the whole operation. Now, I’ll be fair—some team-building is good. When it’s thoughtfully done during working hours, with clear purpose, it can genuinely help. People work better together when they’ve built a rapport. A catered lunch where folks can chat? Love it. A ten-minute check-in at the top of a team meeting? Great.

But the dark side of “mandatory fun” is real.

It blurs the line between work and life. You don’t owe your coworkers your evenings.
It breeds social pressure and surveillance. Miss one happy hour and suddenly you’re “not a culture fit.”
It enables risky behavior. Someone always drinks too much, says too much, and ends up in HR for real by Monday.
It makes the introverts, caretakers, parents, and anyone with boundaries feel like outsiders.

So what’s actually being measured? When you’re told that participating in team bonding reflects your value at work, what’s really being measured isn’t your engagement. It’s your compliance. Your willingness to blend in, to play the game, to pretend work is your social life, your source of fun, your community.

But what if it’s not? What if your actual life is waiting for you outside of Slack messages and team-building ropes courses?

Here’s the truth: mandatory fun isn’t about you having fun—it’s about your employer feeling like they own more of you.

You Don’t Have to Go

If your company invites you to “Optional Fun Friday” at a bar? Don’t go.

If your boss tries to guilt-trip you for skipping the laser tag outing? Smile, say you had a prior commitment, and go home to your real life.

You do not need to go to paint-n-sip with Janet from Sales to be considered a good employee.

You don’t need to stay out drinking with your manager to be taken seriously.

If anything, opting out of forced fun is its own quiet act of rebellion. It’s how you protect your energy, your peace, your sense of self.

So here’s your permission slip: You can be excellent at your job and have boundaries.
You can love your team and still want to go home at 5

✌🏾✌🏾