A Case for Being Delusional (Somewhat)

by Madison Utendahl

Every year on my birthday, I create an exhaustive list of goals. They're detailed, ambitious, bold, and all over the place. They range from:

1. "BUY A HOUSE"

to

2. "WRITE 3 BOOKS"

to

3. "SAVE THE WORLD"

While they're fun and passionate, they're so damn daunting that I never revisit them throughout the year. The dreams and goals seem too big; I'm overwhelmed by the sheer idea of actually accomplishing them.

In August, I celebrated my 33rd birthday in Thailand and reflected on the goals from my 32nd year. I had accomplished a nice amount of them, including running the NYC Marathon (something I am very proud of). While achieving a 25% of an insane list goals is awesome…I felt slightly disappointed. I couldn't fully grasp the amazing things I'd done because I was so distracted by what I hadn't accomplished. What was meant to be a celebratory reflection became stressful. I found myself in a shame spiral, rooted in perfectionism that I (thankfully) no longer spend a ton of time in, but it creeps up from time to time.

"Why didn't I do more? Why do I set unrealistic goals? What could I have done differently?" I thought. I quickly closed my notebook, shook it off, and went for a swim. Later, I decided to reframe my thinking. Instead of dwelling on the past, I decided to re-imagine my 33rd year's goals - I wanted them to be achievable, enjoyable, and a departure from my usual overwhelming list.

On my long flight home, I randomly decided to watch a documentary on Muhammad Ali. It turned out to be exactly what I needed. Ali was a master at manifesting his dreams. He'd boldly proclaim his desires, down to the specific championship he'd win, the exact date, and even his ideal opponent.

Ali's philosophy was simple, to achieve your goals, you must:

• Keep it simple, short, but big

• Make it clear

• Be delusional

He didn't overcomplicate things. "I am the greatest!" became his rallying cry, and he became the greatest. He was maniacally focused on goal quality, not quantity. He was undeniably delusional in his thinking—how could a Black man from the South in the 1960s become one of the most celebrated athletes of all time? He had to believe it, do the work, and focus on the delusion itself. The practicality of "how" didn't matter; the belief that it WOULD happen did.

And that's where I often get stuck. I get so caught up in the "how" that I lose sight of the "what." Fear and doubt creep in, and I start to believe that my dreams are too much. But what if I embraced a little bit of delusion? What if I allowed myself to believe, even for a moment, that anything is possible? This delusion isn't about blind optimism, it's about focusing on quality, not quantity. It's about doing less and valuing a few goals, rather than having so many that they become overwhelming. Instead of trying to do everything at once, what if I give myself the time and space to focus on one goal at a time, setting realistic deadlines and celebrating my progress along the way…?

So, in my 33rd year, I'm embracing a new approach to goal-setting, inspired by Muhammad Ali himself. I've narrowed my focus to 5 big, simple, and clear goals - with a touch of healthy delusion.

5 GOALS FOR 33:

• Write and sell my first non-fiction book

• Have a fantastic wedding

• Transition out of Utendahl Creative (more to come on that soon)

• Live outside of New York

• Get back in front of the camera

Cheers to 33, and to channeling my inner Ali - keeping it simple, clear, and unapologetically delusional.